Talli-Ann3

someone that can design a tattoo for me. I have this idea in my head that i want, i just haven't found anyone that will draw it for me. soooo im on the lookout for someone...message me for more info
thankee!

why is it people always expect things to be just as they were when you/they left? It never stays the same, and if it does it doesn't work out...i mean if you don't change wit the time and become stagnant you wither and die.
I am so tired of people walking in and out of my life and when they come back expecting it to go back to the way it was before. I may act like it is, but in my head and heart its sooo different. I cant look at them the same way and deff don't want to put the effort into it that i had before. In some ways i feel i am way too nice of a person and wish i had the balls to say what i mean and mean what i say at times. Because im way to cautious of my words. Words are the world to me, and i know they can cut so deep. Ive had them used against me way too much, and try to not use them against others.
Im so tired of being nice, of being forgiving...but its like its embedded into my coding. and you know its hard to rewrite coding if you aren't fully aware of how it works at time. I don't want to go in and start messing with it, because ultimately i like who i am. i just wish i was more ballsy at times.
i just want to cry/scream/yell/break something...i am so conflicted as to what i should do at times it sucks.
but i'll figure it out, i always do, and it always works out for the best in the end!

That its time i start writing again, its been far too long since i have written, and i'm deff trying to over anylize this..its kinda funny to think about it because it use to come so easy for me. Its like trying to walk or remember how to rollerblade after you haven't done it in a while. You know the concept of it, and what you should be doing but its difficult to maneuver at first. Life has been coming at me fast as light lately, its as if a month is a day and a year is a month. I was always told as a child that life will speed up as you grow up. I just never thought that it would go by so fast. There are times i feel like i am sitting still as everything zooms by me. I have watched myself change and those around me change and have seen people i never thought would leave, walk away. In some ways it saddens me but in others it doesn't faze me. I feel kinda like i should feel guilty, ya know? when you watch a best friend just walk away and it doesn't really hurt, were they really a best friend, or just a close acquaintance? I mean i'm kinda mad at the fact that they showed such disregard to a friendship. another thing i was told as a child is you loose all the friends that you had as a kid, i have found this to be not true. I am still close friends with people i grew up with, but am seeing that its harder to keep friends as an adult. To me it is like as people grow up they forget how to be a friend and become too wrapped up in their own world to care about anyone outside of it. It saddens me, because aren't you suppose to make awesome friends as an adult? you're suppose to be more mature and stable right? Not from what i have observed in my few years of adulthood. I know this is rambling, but its something i have been contemplating for years now. Its as if myself and a few other i know remember what true friendship is, that its not the everyday talking or hanging out, but the knowing that the person is there for you no matter what. That even thought you don't see them as much as you would like you still love them and think of them often. I have few friends like this but i cherish them like no other. Its like when you talk no time has passed and you laugh and catch up and just chill like....well...friends. I don't know about you, but I value that! My heart hurts for the people that don't have such things, that don't know what this is, or even understand it, because i have meet many who don't. See i am a very, well forgetful person...I mean to call people or write or communicate in some way, but i'll think of it one day something will happen and i don't get around to it till days or even weeks/months later. Its as if time disappears and i'm left going "crap i really need to call them". Its a bad habit one i have tried to break, but it seems to no avail. My friends are my world, and id do anything for those that i love. Its simple fact.
now or a cool quote i found don't know who said it, but here it is!
"Best friends are like diamonds, precious and rare
False friends are like leaves, found everywhere."

YOu know the feeling you get when your emotions have just shut down...and you're at a loss at how to make yourself feel again?
Well this is the wonderful feeling i am getting over....luckly enough i am finaly getting out of it. I have been keeping to myself lately, and trying to get through....
I think part of it is because i haven't been able to talk to my best friend in the whole world....i just got the letters sent out o him tho...so i think things will be better....^_^
But still the desier to get all down and junk is there...i'm just deciding that im not going to listen to it....i'm sick of the feeling, and i have decided not to let it consume me lik eit has in the past.....

This has been on stinken long day today!
I got up at 6, had to take mom to work b/c my car died the other day, and is sitting in the shop, and wont be done till tomorrow or fri...i'm hoping it will be back in my posesion tomorrow.....will make my life an easyer one :-p
I'm totaly happy tho because i don't have to work tomorrow cuz i have already worked on monday, an di have towork on Fri...i'm only suppose to work 3 days, 15 hrs total. I have soooo passed that limmet...lol Which is good for me considering it means more money...which i need desprately.
I'm still sitting here at work, waiting to see if there is anythign else she needs me to do before i leave, ten i get to go chill at moms work, because it wont be worth goin home, then back to her.....tooooo much driving, to much gass usege....lol.
I get to sing on friday at the confrence thingy that we've been preparing for, i'm happy cuz i get to wear jeans, i don't have to worry about getting all dresses up....
well i'm running out of things to say at the moment, so i'll write laters....